By Bookie Iketuonye.
Mr. & Mrs. Right are married.
I just thought I’d drop that right from the off. Eve’s unending search for the elusive perfect man does beg the question ‘is perfection a myth?’. Over the years, it has become so cliché for every girl of marriageable age to claim that she is hoping to marry a man with certain qualities – Tall, dark, handsome, God-fearing, rich or at least having prospects (for those who do not want to appear overly materialistic), kind, romantic, strong, caring, the list is possibly endless. However, I have never met an Eve who while effusivelyvocalizing her marital wish list, provided a curriculum vitae showcasing her own complementary personality traits. To my mind, marriage is a partnership if you ever saw one; an agreement between two parties to love each other and exist in peace. The inherent abilities of each partner as well as the oneness of purpose are akin to the capital contribution, the rights and responsibilities you find in a regular business partnership. The phrase ‘missing rib’ has been defined by many as the piece which completes a man, the God-ordained partner. But the truth is, the rib is one of the 206 bones in the body and it has a job to do in conjunction and harmony with all the other bones, not merely there to complete the number. A woman is not an appendage who does nothing but form a quorum for the skeleton, she is an integral part of the proper functioning of the body of the marriage.
And so my dear Eve, I am constrained at this point to ask the question – What exactly are you bringing to the table? Are you straightforward enough to cross his‘t’?Is your character rounded enough to dot his ‘i’?Are you a queen, fit only for a king? Are you Mrs. Right?
Beautiful Anambra state born Ifeyinwa Njoku is 27 years old. She graduated from a reputable tertiary institution and was called to the Nigerian Bar a little over 5 years ago. She currently works with a top litigation firm headed by a Senior Advocate of Nigeria, a mentor of hers, I might add. She is the only offspring of two professors who are quite elderly because they had her after 30 years of waiting.She particularly thinks the world of her father because he withstood the pressure from his family to take another wife and stood by her mother for 3 decades. His defence was always that him and Ify’s mother were in the marriage together and that their childlessness was both their faults and so there was no moral justification to jump ship.He was a real pillar of strength to Mrs. Njoku. He is a rare one, Ify’s dad….one in a million.
This quality of her father’s has of course set a standard for Ify regarding her future husband. She firmly believes that all she needs to do is breathe in and out in order to marry such a gem of a man. She constantly tells anyone who cares to listen how she will not settle for less, considering the men she looks up to, in reference to her father and her boss. Her mother has tried without success to correct Ify’s assumption that she did not have to do anything in order to earn her husband’s loyalty. She is unable to effectively drum in the sacrifices she also had to make in the marriage during she and her husband’s 30-year wait for a baby. She complacently allows Ify to wallow in her ignorance, believing that she would grow up one day soon.
Now Ifeyinwa Njoku’s parents were financially average with them both being civil servants, but she was over-pampered possibly due to the circumstances of her birth. Consideration for other people, loyalty, selflessness, emotional intelligence et al are not exactly her strong points. She has always gotten by just being pretty Ify- studious pupil and student, always top five in her class and most recently,lucky law undergrad living on campus striking gold when she inadvertently got a job from a guest speaker at a symposium. None of her current qualities or life experiences are preparing her for the ‘capital contribution’ she will be required to make in her proposed partnership with a certain Kolade Puddicombe, whom she has earmarked to fulfil her marital fantasies.He is a family friend of many years, being the son of her father’s classmate. He ticks all her boxes because he is tall, dark, handsome, seems healthy and virile,morally upright, well-bred, well-spoken, well-placed in an investment banking Firm, well-known to her and of course approved-of by daddy dearest.
The guy in question has never shown any romantic interest in her, but she assumes he is only biding his time and will come round soon enough. In reality, their relationship is more of a brother-sister type, with Kolade playing the indulgent older brother to a petulant, slightly obnoxious younger sister who has no idea how shallow she really is. They talk on the phone, chat on social media, meet at mutual acquaintances’ functions, few times at work for lunch because they work in the same part of town and at their respective family get-togethers. Ifeyinwa is alone in her expectation of the friendship moving to the next level, even though she is not particularly in love with him. She just believes he is ‘Mr. Right’.
Unfortunately, Kolade has a clear idea of the girl he wants to marry, the woman he wants to build a life and grow old with – Ifeyinwa does not fit the profile. You see, he met her as a child of 9 years when he returned to Nigeria from Ghana where his father was lecturing at the University of Ghana.And even though he was just 13, he could tell that her beauty was only skin deep. In fact, his younger brother, Deyemi who is actually closer to her age did not like her at all and has never been able to explain why. Kolade imagines himself settling down with a well-rounded lady of substance who epitomizes the Proverbs 31 woman. He met such a character in the person of Oghogho at a friend’s art exhibition, being a fellow artist herself. He has not hinted her of his intentions because he is unsure of how to broach the subject, seeing as they are mere acquaintances, still establishing the basis of their friendship. In addition, he is and has always been, aware of Ifeyinwa’s plans towards him, even though they have never courted. His deep sense of propriety leaves him at a loss on how to let her down gently, knowing she would throw a tantrum stemming from her bloated sense of entitlement. Deyemi has jokingly offered to do the dirty job for him, claiming it is better to just ‘tear off the band aid once’ but Kolade is not having it. Ifeyinwa has after all, done nothing wrong, she just isn’t Mrs. Right. This is his current dilemma and he has run out of ideas on how to resolve it.
Dear Eve, Mr. Right is already married to the woman of his dreams, what are you still searching for?
DISCLAIMER:
The names in this column are made up but the issues are real. Any similarities with persons known to you are purely coincidental and unintended.