By Bukky Ikeotuonye
“I’ve got the power!!!”. That was the high-pitched refrain rendered by Penny Ford, member of the German music group ‘Snap!’in their chart-topping song‘The Power’ (by the way if you know the song, you’re old). If only she knew the truth behind those words, she’d have bagged, bottled or canned it to be sold to generations of Eves to come.
Power is the ability or capacity to do something or act in a particular manner. In physics, power is the rate of doing work orof transferring heat, i.e. the amount of energy transferred or converted per unit time. I’m going somewhere with this, trust me. In both definitions, there is an inherent quality, an existing capability in the powerful object which is transferred to another object in need of that competence to be enabled for performance. However, even though the object with the power is the enabler, it still needs to be connected to the other object in order to be activated.
My dear Eve, this is not a physics lecture, believe me I will hit home in a minute. It is written “I will make a help, meet for him”. So if you were made to help someone, it means you have the ability to power that person into their destiny. A helper usually has something that the helpee (Bookie’s Brittanica) needs to push on, to be better, to succeed. The same Good Book also says “He who finds a wife has found a good thing and obtains favour from The Lord”. Therefore, I submit that a wife is supposed to be a catalyst that propels the man into his God-ordained destiny. Why then do we keep hearing about women empowerment? Should it not be the other way around? Why are Eves struggling to be equal in the home, when you are the power source? A power source must be connected to something before it can enable. A battery must be placed in a phone, torchlight or a car before it can empower. Diesel must be put in a vehicle or a generator before it can enable. An Eve must be placed in a man before she can help and empower him.
Eve, you are built by God to be a catalyst, an enabler, an energy source, a powerhouse. However, you cannot operate in isolation. You still need a helpee who will provide a medium for your gifts to manifest. You need a covering who will protect you from adverse conditions and preserve your shelf life. Your inherent strength was designed to F.E.E.D (facilitate, encourage, empower and deliver – Bookie’s Britannica again) the calling on your man’s head as well as yours. When your family goals have been ignited, then he can be the provider and protector he was made to be. You can simultaneously be the virtuous woman whose value cannot be quantified.
To put this in proper context, I am going to tell you about an Eve called Iteoluwakiishi Fadare. Don’t let the name scare you, she goes by the short form ‘Kish’. She is the third child of a family of four girls and one boy. Her parents got divorced way back in the 80s when most people couldn’t even spell the word, so she grew up with her mum with skeletal visits with her father during school holidays and festive periods. Kish studied philosophy at the university simply because her Admissions exam score was not high enough to get her in to study Law. This fact added to many other chips she was carrying on her shoulder. You see, she was only 5 when her parents got divorced and she always felt hard-done-by, partly because her friends and acquaintanceswere too young at the time to understand why her father lived in a location different from their home. She never really saw her parents married and did not understand the concepts of shared goals, family vision or common values. Spending four years rationalizing and methodically considering reality as a whole or of basic dimensions of human existence and experience certainly did not help.
The same could not be said about Shile, her immediate younger sister. Shile did not suffer from the hang-ups that plagued Kish. She was a well-rounded, well-adjusted woman who knew her value and calling in life. Even studying Food and Nutrition and becoming a part-time housewife whilst managing a small vegetarian catering service on the side did not diminish her high sense of self-worth. She carried herself regally like the queen God created all Eves to be. Shile and Kish have both been married for 9 years, tying the knot within two months of each other in 2011. Suffice it to say that Kish did not marry Adeyanju Fadare for love or companionship. It was just the next best thing since she was 33 and wanted to have children in wedlock, seeing as her mother had warned her against contemplating the contrary. Her relationship with her husband was …..tepid to say the least. No heated arguments stemming from contrasting points of view, no romantic interludes emanating from lovers’ chemistry, nothing. There was simply no passion. Yanju, a software developer working in a Financial Services firm where he had worked for 16 years, was happy to just get by as long as there were no disputes. Even the rigid time-table Kish set for conjugal activities did not bother him, he was satisfied that she was prepared to concede at all. He was content that he was able to pay the bills, with Kish chipping in her calculated quota of 20% to the purse. That was practically the only thing they shared. His parents had been married for 40 years and they had remained friends the entire time. He did not mind that he could not share his dreams of independently creating software solutions with Kish.He did not realise that he was wallowing in mediocrity, living way beneath his potential as a husband, a father and a professional. He was like a Mercedes Benz with no keys.
Kish believed that her husband could strive to be more like Ndidi Olisaemeke, Shile’s husband. Nd was a manager in a Telecoms firm, a very hostile work environment, I might add. He had been promoted three times in the 5 years he had worked there and was equally successful in the Telecoms services firm he had worked 4 years prior to that. He had this spring in his step and was always full of ideas and a willingness to execute them. He just seemed like he could take on the world on any given Sunday, not minding what obstacles appeared to be in his way. He simply had his hands in every pie. As a husband, despite not being an overly romantic man given to public displays of affection, there was an obvious deep appreciation of Shile. She was the wind beneath his wings, you see. Even though her financial contribution to the home was minimal, she was Nd’s powerhouse. She considered his every idea, discouraged the ridiculous and championed those with potential. She prayed for him, submitted to him, nurtured him, pushed him when needed and cuddled him when required. He matured in wisdom and spirit and appointed himself her Life Coach and business consultant. He proffered invaluable advice on her catering business and proposed diversification ideas. In their marriage and parenting, they leaned on each other and achieved many successes together, albeit with a few failures along the way. They shined together because she believed.
Kish had no idea of Shile’s impact on Nd’s life. She was simply not prepared to be anyone’s helpmeet. She had yet to come to grips with who she was and who she was made to be. She had the power but did not switch on the lights, thereby depriving everyone, especially herself of the illumination thereof. She was the one who needed to strive to be more like Shile.
Dear Eve, F.E.E.Dthe vision…
Bookie
DISCLAIMER:
The names in this column are made up but the issues are real. Any similarities with persons known to you are purely coincidental and unintended.