Man, is a social animal, they say. But why does the word ‘animal’come after ‘social’? Could it be that social interaction, more- often- than- not, brings out the animal in you? The craftiness of the tortoise, the oppression of the lion, the sliminess of the snail, the wiliness of the fox, the deceitfulness of the snake, the timidity of the squirrel, the instability of the monkey or the pride of the peacock? Which one applies to you?
Back in the day, we were tutored about social vices – picking your nose, farting indiscriminately, yawning or sneezing without covering your mouth/nose, talking too loudly, whispering in someone’s ear when amongst company, or just plain forgetting to use the magic words (please and thank you).Let me digress a little and attempt to put the word ‘vice’ into context so that this discussion can be clearer.
Vice derives from the word ‘vicious’ which means ‘full of vice’. It originates from the latin word ‘vitium’ which means defect or failing. Another meaning of the word is the position of a deputy, eg, a vice chairman or vice president. The person in this position does not come into prominence unless the president or chairman fails in some form – either by being unavoidably absent or simply being incompetent. A vice can also be a metal tool with movable jaws which is used to hold an object firmly in place while work is done on it. The vice ensures the object being worked onfails to perform its normal operations until it is released. I think it is obvious that whichever definition you choose, a vice is associated with some form of defection or the other.
These days, social interaction is mostly done through electronic communication tools more commonly known as social media.Now because the classification of an activity as a social vice can be subjective, it follows that social media vices are therefore regarded as those social behaviours that are deemed to be immoralaccording to the dictates of the social media participants.
Dear Eve, how do you interact on social media? What is the moral standing of the people you pander-toon that platform? Which animal have you become in order to be socially accepted? Interestingly, there is one of such platforms with an app that literally equips you to photoshop your picture to have animalistic features – symbolic, if you ask me. The first Eve communicated with her Father while she was being taken to her husband (or do you think they did not talk while she was being ‘taken to the man’?) and that was when He gave her the all-encompassing mandate all Eves carry today. She then proceeded to communicate with the wrong animal, and nearly threatened the glory of the first mandate forever, save for the entry of Grace.
Because you are such a passionate being, whatever you lay your hand upon is done with extreme intensity and depth. Most animals move in packs for the reason thatthey have common characteristics and goals. Indeed, if a lionesscub leaves her pride (the pun is very intended) and begins to roll with a scurry of squirrels, she eventually forgets that she is a queen and begins to literally scurry like the squirrels. Eve, I can categorically state that if you commune with questionable characters on social media, you will gradually begin to manifest thenegative traits which that scurry is known for. You see, not only does evil social interaction corrupt good manners, it totally eradicates them. As a matter of fact, you will end up becoming even more disreputable than your clique because of your natural tendency to over-deliver onany vocation, constructive or not.
I know two Eves – Senami and Oge both currently aged 39 who happen to be old friends, going way back to primary school.
Senami, a chemical engineer by profession, works in a renowned oil company in Nigeria. Her husband, Akinola is a naval officer whom she met in the university while she was in her first year and he was just concluding his masters’ degree in architecture. He was her first dating experience and she literally learnt everything she knew about relationships from him. They were separated for some time when he joined the Nigerian Navy but he came back and married her right after her special intensive training programme with her current employer.
Coming from a relatively humble background, marriage to Akin 13 years ago introduced Senami to a world of passive affluence – you know that type of understated financial situation where you know that this money exists but is not being thrown around excessively like most supposedly rich people are prone to do. You see, Akin was born into a rich family and was therefore accustomed to the finer things of life. He was also a ‘force-man’ which made him lead quite a regimented and conservative lifestyle. Consequently, he was not ordinarily inclined to flaunt material comfort as a sign of wealth since it is the only life he’s ever known and Senami naturally took her cue from there. She began as a contract staff at the oil company where she worked and even though she was paid more handsomely than her peers, she couldn’t necessarily be considered terribly well-off. In a few years, she became a full staff of the company and became eligible for some benefits which moved her into the income bracket of people generally considered to be well-off. She began to fret about Akin’s lack of social nous, though it was still to a reasonable degree. So in-as-much-as they did not disagree on it much, it was still a tiny little pea under the mattress of their marriage.
The advent of the digital age where various social media platforms came to the fore, compelled people to gradually shift from symbian phones to the more adaptable android phones. Senami got herself one of these and even managed to convince rigid Akinola to get one as well. She and her friend, Oge (remember her?) joined a chat group on one of the platforms called Women of Substance (WOS). You see, Oge was not married at the time sodespite being quite mature at the age of 39, she was incredibly juvenile in her dealings and general reasoning. It was her influence that was subtly pushing Senami to demand a more ostentatious lifestyle from Akinola. She had always been the social butterfly flitting from one party/event to another, leaving a trail of broken relationships in her wake. She would always blame the issues on whichever unfortunate partner was involved without pausing to look inwards. She was Senami’s ‘ride-or-die-chic’ (as they say) and did a good job of hiding her own loneliness and misleading Senami on how to manage her marital relationship. WOS did not help matters as the group mostly comprised of bitter divorcees or opinionated mature-single-women who made no bones about their aversion to men and the institution of marriage as- a-whole. They would take frivolous trips to Italy just to purchase handbags, fly to Seychelles purportedly in search of some sun & sand or simply plan a ‘girls-only’ spa weekend from time to time. And what about the events? Music concerts all over the continent, comedy and fashion shows every other month, even art exhibitions regardless of their lack of interest in the vocation.Senami could of course afford all the expenses involved in these activities and was an avid participant, with the encouragement of Oge.
You guessed it – Akinola was not happy. He was all for relaxation and de-stressing, considering the rollercoaster lifestyle that is the modus operandi of women, but maybe not via the WOS methods. The obvious reason being that nature of their gatherings attracted a certain kind of crowd most unbecoming of a virtuous woman. Suffice it to say that if you spend an entire weekend in a romantic beachfront hotel in the company of your girls alone, chances are that you will get propositioned by some gigolo looking for a good time. Same goes for a night-out at the club or a P-Square concert in Sierra Leone.Senami’s frequent weekend (and sometimes mid-week) activities left a big hole in her marriage and the entire home front. Her nanny became the mainstay of the children, training them on her madam’s behalf and generally catering to their needs. Thankfully, Akinola was too aristocraticto consider occupying her side of the bed with the help. Nevertheless, her almost total neglect of her wifely and motherly duties took its toll on Akinola and he began to withdraw emotionally from her, occupying himself with work (which involved a lot of travel) and tennis. You see, he was not the expressive type and Senami, knowing that griping was not his style, went overboard.
Things came to a head when Senami decided to attend a WOS group member’s destination wedding in Dubai on the weekend of their 12th wedding anniversary. She claimed that it was such an epoch-making event (considering the bride was 44) that she could not afford to miss it. Akinola reminded her that she met the said bride just 2 years earlier and that she was becoming someone’s 2nd wife so it was not that big a deal. Senami quickly reminded him that he had not been asked to sponsor the trip, neither was the anniversary a landmark one so she was going to do as she pleased by taking a ‘relaxing’ trip to the Emirates. Unbeknown to her, that pea under their mattress had become a mammoth-sized melon, threatening to burst and spill its toxic contents all over their lives. She had gone from being an eagle soaring majestically in the heavens to being a common chicken, moving with a brood unable to fly beyond 4 feet at a time.
It has been a year since that fateful trip to Dubai and Akinola’s subsequent declaration of Senami’s emancipation from their marriage.He now livesin one of the family houses in a posh area of Lagos, counting the months until he can file for a divorce and marry his new girlfriend who is waiting in the wings. He also intends to declareSenami an unfit mother (claims he has concrete evidence) and gain custody of their three children aged 11, 8 and 6. Senami is still living well as she can obviously afford to, but when she lies in her bed at night, she ponders the what-could -have-beens and the wrong turns she made. It doesn’t help that 50% of the WOS members have inexplicably found love, gotten married and wisely ostracized her. They did have substance after all…….
Dear Eve, who are you talking to?
